I was at the Fort McDowell contest this year….kinda. I practiced a little and did an in-depth interview with the head carnie in charge of the Gravitron on Friday. I did shows with The CATTS for the Scout-O-Rama on Saturday, and the pro contest wasn’t supposed to be until Sunday, so I wasn’t even going to head out there ‘til the morning. I was on my way home from the shows when I got a call from MB Charlie saying that they changed the schedule all of a sudden and were running the pros that night. I headed out there and probably, betwixt judging pro dirt and riding in the comp, was there about 3 hours before I did a spine 360 loop-out to compound tib-fib superfracture in my second run.
This having been said, I decided it made sense to give 4 riders a 14 question survey regarding the comp. One guy spectated the whole comp, one rode in the comp, one rode only in practice, and one was too busy slanging she-male vids at the porn shop to go out there. These are their answers:
Charlie BRISTOL (looky-lou)
What did you eat from the carnie trailers?
Fry bread with honey and powdered sugar.
Did you have to run to the port-a-john 30 minutes after you ate it?
No.
How did you like the comp compared to past years?
I liked it the year they had the Burning Bike because of the atmosphere-camping, drinking in the tents.
Who did the best trick and what was it?
One hander, beginner class dude.
What rider impressed you the most in Pro?
I don’t know-Alzheimer’s and alcohol.
What rider impressed you the most in Intermediate?
I can’t remember Pro…How the hell am I supposed to remember Intermediate? I ate at Wendy’s during the expert class.
When deez nuts were in your mouth?
Yeah.
What measures did you have to go to, to deal with the “No Drinking on the Reservation” Law?
I quit anyway. Went to AA the day before.
What did you think of the street course changes this year?
The street spine box was weird, I wouldn’t have touched it if I was riding.
What did you think of the dirt jump set-up this year?
I don’t know but I’m watching Deuce Bigalow where she puts her breasts in the fish tank.
Who had the best wreck?
Jason Ryan.
Did any carnies try to sell you some of their meth stash?
I bought quite a bit from a guy named George the Carnie.
Who got 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in Pro dirt?
How the f**k am I supposed to know that?
Who got 1st, 2nd , and 3rd in Pro street?
Didn’t stick around to find out, I left after the riding.
Any last comments?
No comment.
Elliot HART (wishes expert class wasn't mixed with pro)
What did you eat from the carnie trailers?
French frys.
Did you have to run to the port-a-john 30 minutes after you ate it?
No, I didn’t.
How did you like the comp compared to past years?
I liked the other ones better.
Who did the best trick and what was it?
Adam Baker’s 360 tailwhip on the box, Greg Litecky’s 720 on the spine, and Josh Carroll’s fufanu he almost pulled.
What rider impressed you the most in Pro?
Danny Williams.
What rider impressed you the most in Intermediate?
Casa Grande BJ.
What measures did you have to go to, to deal with the “No Drinking on the Reservation” Law?
None, ‘cause I don’t drink.
What did you think of the street course changes this year?
I thought it was better, yeah.
What did you think of the dirt jump set-up this year?
Really good….but those after the berm suck bad.
Who had the best wreck?
Billy (Franevsky) hopped onto the grind box at about 80 miles an hour and tagged on the box. He got a huge cut on his hip.
So is he at home with a broken leg now?
No…Oh yeah, you had the best wreck.
That’s what I thought.
Did any carnies try to sell you some of their meth stash?
No.
Who got 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in Pro dirt?
Adam got 1st. I can’t remember the others.
Who got 1st, 2nd , and 3rd in Pro street?
Koji got 1st, Adam got 2nd, and Greg or Danny got 3rd.
Any last comments?
The riding gets better every year, the contest gets worse……the way it’s organized…..bad communication….prizes sucked. Thomas was good on dirt.
Chris SMITH (too poor to compete)
What did you eat from the carnie trailers?
Nothing. Just never made it over there. I usually eat the fry bread. I love the fry bread!
Did you have to run to the port-a-john 30 minutes after you ate it?
No.
How did you like the comp compared to past years?
It wasn’t ran as well, but the skill level was higher, so it was more exciting.
Who did the best trick and what was it?
Josh Carroll. Fufanu almost pulled on top of the wallride wall.
What rider impressed you the most in Pro?
Koji Kraft.
What rider impressed you the most in Intermediate?
That one kid that almost landed that 720 on the box.
What measures did you have to go to, to deal with the “No Drinking on the Reservation” Law?
None.
What did you think of the street course changes this year?
I thought the one change they made was pretty cool, but they could have changed it more and made it better. They were slackin’.
What did you think of the dirt jump set-up this year?
Same thing I thought of it last year. Pretty decent.
Who had the best wreck?
Bill Franevsky. He hopped onto the grind box at full speed and tagged and landed on his face.
Is he back riding now?
Yeah. He got back up and rode later that night.
So he’s not sitting at home with a broken leg or anything?
No………I take that back. I think yours (Jason Ryan) was the best wreck.
Did any carnies try to sell you some of their meth stash?
No, none of them did, but at Casa Grande the ice cream man tried to trade me ice cream for some cigarettes.
Who got 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in Pro dirt?
Adam Baker got 1st, I guess KC (Badger) placed 3rd, and I don’t know who got 2nd.
Who got 1st, 2nd , and 3rd in Pro street?
Koji Kraft got 1st, Josh Carroll got 2nd, and Tuba Mike got 3rd.
Any last comments?
None that I can think of right now. We need some fresh meat at the contest…..and press for motivation for some riders…… and better prizes. Koji got $300. Lame.
Josh SMALL (m.i.a)
What did you eat from the carnie trailers?
I’d say a carnie asada burrito.
Did you have to run to the port-a-john 30 minutes after you ate it?
Yeah, most definitely.
How did you like the comp compared to past years?
Uh, bigger turnout, more organization for somebody who wasn’t there.
Who did the best trick and what was it?
Jason Ryan. 360 to leg snap. That’s tech shit. Mother f**kers are sleepin’ on those.
What rider impressed you the most in Pro?
Danny Williams.
What rider impressed you the most in Intermediate?
That one little kid in the red shirt.
What measures did you have to go to, to deal with the “No Drinking on the Reservation” Law?
Just put a brown bag around my 40 oz steel reserve. That’s the REAL street right there. If you bust a feeble to 180 to half cab out bunnyhop like 2 and a half foot high and tuck like a dirt jumper, you gotta finish it up with some steel reserve.
What did you think of the street course changes this year?
Uh, they were pretty good, but they could have added a ton more ramps. Man, George Dossantos is gettin’ gangsta with that half cab shit. I’m watching the Animal video I downloaded off Kazaa.
What did you think of the dirt jump set-up this year?
I think they need to be a little wider and more trails with transfers and shit and more berms. Hook something up for the kids, and open that place up more mother f**kers.
Who had the best wreck?
That guy that landed on his face. No, I’ll give you (Jason Ryan) the best wreck.
Did any carnies try to sell you some of their meth stash?
No, I picked up a pound of weed and some peyote from the injuns.
Who got 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in Pro dirt?
F**k, I don’t know. I was just there to look at the riders’ hos.
Who got 1st, 2nd , and 3rd in Pro street?
F**kin’, uh, I don’t know, I was jacking off in one of the port-a-potties while I was taking a shit.
Any last comments?
Yeah, the fort needs to open more, and make it a cool place to go. We need some more spots. It’s one of the only places for bikes. F**k you Fort McDowell. Open up. F**k Fort McDowell.
As you can clearly see, the only rider in the survey who thought this year’s contest was run well wasn't even there. Oh well. Hopefully next year the organizers of the Fort contest will use their rather large mailing data base to let people know about the contest dates and schedule like they have in previous years. Hopefully they will actually HAVE a clear-cut schedule and stick to it. Hopefully they will get more sponsors so the riders that place will get decent prizes, and so there can be a good product toss. Hopefully they will make some kind of an effort to get more than 10 spectators out there. And hopefully, and this is the most important part, hopefully they will play more Neil Diamond.
DISCLAIMER: The opinions and views expressed by our survey participants do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views held by psychicflyingmonkey.com. Remember, opinions are like assholes--everybody has one and they all smell like green babyshit. Bear in mind, however, that when a lot of folks are saying the same thing, it would be wise to listen...........